Best in Class
In a surprise announcement the Revd Canon Ben Dover, spokesperson for the Office of the Archbishop of Canterbury, made known that His Grace has just received word that he has been awarded a ‘Best in Class’ for episcopal facial hair by J.D. Powers and Associates. When reached for comment by AngliCon Canon Dover replied, “Best in Class, really? That is quite extraordinary. There is nothing truly remarkable about the beard, although when one adds in the hair and the eyebrows it is conceiveable as to how His Grace managed to secure this honor. He really is the total tonsorial package.”
The Revd Oliver Wright, director of WISE (Whinging Incoherent Saber-rattling Evangelicals), controversially commented, “that seems about right for an administration all sixes and sevens.” Revd Wright’s words seemed to provoke the ire of the Archbishop’s Office. A statement released by Lambeth read, “We regret the unfortunate, divisive and judgmental comment expressed by Revd Wright. Sadly, such temerity has come to be expected from WISE. For an administration that has stumbled and bumbled its way along these past 9 years a simple ‘well done’ would have been both welcomed and appreciated.”
Not to miss the opportunity for comment the Very Revd Elizabeth Lang of the LGFN (LesbiGayFemiNazi) Episcopal Network chimed in, “the LGFN Network rejoices in the clean-shaven look of our Presiding Bishop. It is one more example of Miss Jane Hathaway’s Katharine Jefferts Schori’s shining leadership. We are confident that as the Holy Spirit speaks to the Anglican Communion on these matters she will lead us into all truth. Of course we recognize our position is a minority position and based on the track record of the Anglican Communion we are concerned that Toronto-style prejudicial profiling and harassment may ensue.”
There has been no comment about other bishops considered for the honor.
Boliver Shagnasty writes for AngliCon, the premire news site for the Anglican Communion. In his spare time, Boliver enjoys playing dead in public places, mooing, and appearing in the background on TV.
